I have a special warm spot in my heart for Sophia Frances Anne (S.F.A.) Caulfeild (born in 1824 in Teignmouth). I discovered her 1882 Dictionary of Needlework, her best-known work and a book that is still available today, in an odd little gift shop in Idaho, and since I was an avid embroiderer at the time, it was like finding the needleworker's Bible. (Still is, really!) When I rediscovered her in The Girl's Own Paper it was like coming across an old friend. Biographical data on Miss Caulfeild is limited and tends to mention only her dictionary (which was co-authored with Blanche Saward, another writer whose articles you'll find in our crafts section) and her book of poetry. However, Caulfeild also wrote a number of very sensible, useful articles on etiquette for The Girl's Own Paper - articles that emphasized the importance of basic, common-sense courtesy and manners rather than a rigid set of social rules.

The Art of Conversing Agreeably (Girl's Own Paper, 1881)

If one has not learned this art, one risks subjecting one's guests to mindless conversation, or worse, asking them to look at photographs... Some things never change!

Dinners in Society (Girl's Own Paper, 1881)

An excellent guide to how one is expected to behave, and what one can expect, at a society dinner, from how one will be greeted at the door to what courses to expect at the table. Amongst other excellent advice, "observe how highly-bred people eat asparagus..." and there by avoid the disgusting spectacle of drawing the mangled end from one's mouth in a ragged fringe!

The Foundation of All Good Breeding (Girl's Own Paper, 1881)

"Remember that one golden rule of your life should be to regard nothing as a trifle; and still further, to do nothing that is not worth your best efforts to perform well; and to begin early to deny yourself and your own convenience in favour of others, even in the smallest matters, that such conduct may grow with your growth, as the habit of your lives."

Mourning Attire (Girl's Own Paper, 1881)

Some of the history of mourning attire, what is appropriate, and how to provide for others.

Etiquette for All Classes (Girl's Own Paper, 1882)

Etiquette "denotes the whole collection of laws by which, in all countries... 'polite society' is inexorably governed... certain rules which may appear very trifling are the natural offspring of the highest and noblest feelings."

Good Breeding in Daily Converse (Girl's Own Paper, 1882)

On the etiquette of gracious speech and conversation.

The Habits of Polite Society (Girl's Own Paper, 1882)

Among other topics, this article covers the etiquette of mourning and mourning attire.

A Word to the Wise (Girl's Own Paper, 1882)

The importance of courtesy toward shop-girls.

Carving at Table (Girl's Own Paper, 1883)

Etiquette for "Our Brothers" (Girl's Own Paper, 1883)

On the importance of chivalry, honor and courtesy on the part of the male...

Punctuation Viewed in a New Light (Girl's Own Paper, 1883)

Punctuation is not a mere trifle, says Ms. Caulfeild, when one considers that it adds significantly to the comfort and convenience of others!

Etiquette in Walking, Riding, and Driving (Girl's Own Paper, 1884)

"Until within less than half a century ago, no young unmarried gentlewoman could walk through the streets and parks, or go on a little shopping expedition, unattended by a footman." Small wonder that new rules of etiquette are needed for this sort of modern excursion!

Good Breeding as Shown in Conversation (Girl's Own Paper, 1884)

On the etiquette of gracious speech and conversation.

Good Breeding As Shown in Giving Hospitality (Girl's Own Paper, 1884)

A detailed guide on how to be a considerate host(ess) -- with a reminder that as one's guests are also constrained by etiquette not to complain about anything, one must be even more watchful to ensure that they have nothing to complain about!

Good Breeding as Shown in Receiving Hospitality (Girl's Own Paper, 1884)

Besides basic common-sense advice on how to be a good guest, this article also touches on such issues as whether to offer fees (tips) to the servants!

Good Breeding: Shown When Traveling (Girl's Own Paper, 1884)

"Some fifty years ago travelling was a rare luxury... and those young people of the present day whose parents can afford to perfect their education, by means so healthful and agreeable, should make the utmost of such advantages... As well-bred young women they must refrain from allowing themselves any more license, either in dress or in conduct, merely because amongst strangers."

Good Breeding as Shown in Visiting the Poor (Girl's Own Paper, 1885)

This article makes an interesting distinction between upper-class poor (e.g., untitled gentry) and working-class poor. Being aware of these differences is important in determining just how to call upon a person without giving offense!

"Honour Thy Father and Thy Mother" (Girl's Own Paper, 1885)

In this series, the author looks at some of the questions sent to the magazine's editors -- and wonders why young ladies are asking strangers the questions they would have once asked their mothers!

Letters of Invitation, Etc. (Girl's Own Paper, 1885)

Excellent examples of proper ways to issue formal and informal invitations.

The Etiquette of Card-Leaving (Girl's Own Paper, 1895)

How you leave your calling card, and what card you leave, speaks volumes for the sort of person you are! For example, omitting the prefix "Miss" (if unmarried) suggests a woman of "masculine proclivities" - though "many young women of really womanly natures may copy the style from others less well-bred than themselves."

Guest and the Guest-Chamber, and Etiquette Between Guests (Girl's Own Paper, 1895)

In Victorian days, houseguests often expected to stay awhile; here are some tips on making the visit comfortable for everyone.