The Victorian era was known for (or perhaps notorious for) its many guidelines for "proper etiquette." Vast numbers of books were written on etiquette and the "rules" of society, and women's magazines featured many articles on the topic. But while it's easy to suppose that Victorian life was bound by a mass of constricting requirements, the reality is that much of the advice given on the subject of "etiquette" was simple common sense. In fact, like anything else, one can find either extreme if one looks. The article from Collier's Cyclopedia on courtship and marriage (in the "weddings" section), for example, contains a bewildering array of rules on how a courtship may be conducted, whom the groom must speak to, what happens if an engagement is broken, etc. On the other end of the spectrum, many of Sophia Caulfeild's articles from The Girl's Own Paper emphasize the simple need for courtesy and kindness.
Issues of etiquette and social occasions were closely intertwined. Dinners, parties, and other entertainments were rarely casual, haphazard affairs in Victorian days. Instead, they were planned with meticulous care, from what would be served to what should be worn. Hence this section looks not only at general etiquette, but at how to host, or participate in, a variety of essential Victorian social events - including "the season" in both England and America.
Victorian women also had to deal with changes in "social rules" that accompanied both the changes in their own social status, and technological changes. As Caulfeild points out in one of her articles, in the early part of the Victorian era, travel was a complicated process, so it was not one that women could engage in easily or frequently. With the advent of trains, women could travel much greater distances in a very short time, which meant huge changes to how women could and did travel. In earlier days, a "visit" often meant staying with one's host and hostess for a month or longer, because it simply wasn't efficient to travel a long distance to stay for only a few days. In the later part of the era, visits could be shorter and much more informal - but both visitor and hostess needed to be aware of certain basic "rules" of hospitality to keep the visit pleasant.
The underlying principle of most Victorian etiquette is not so much social hierarchy, but the decision to put the needs and desires of others before one's own. One could argue that this advice was sometimes taken to extremes by the Victorian woman - but one could also argue that a little more of this principle certainly wouldn't hurt today!
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