Page 82 - Poetry-Books

To say to all who have a money-chest,
You pay the charges, and we’ll do the rest.
Write sermons for the vicar, charges small,
Unless he hears a profitable call;
Perhaps to ask besides the usual fee
A small percentage on his salary,
Which, if the sermons take, may be increased—
Which is but just if we have made the priest.
Write plays and operas and essays bright
For those who’ve neither time nor brains to write;
Get all our wealthy senators in line,
And make each one an orator; assign
A branch to work the lower house likewise,
And so help stupid congressmen to rise.
This plan would surely help the ship of state,
And make some legislators seeming great,
And give the lie to them who’ve often said
The greatness of this land is mostly dead.
Another branch! The most felicitous
I think it will appear to those of us
Who, while we’re brave and so forth, are so shy
That often we’re afraid our fate to try;
So overcome with modesty that we
Don’t speak to her we’ve traveled far to see
The words she’d really love to hear us say
About a certain day
Concerning which papa must be addressed—
A bashfulness that sometimes has distressed
The disposition sweet that can’t confess
Unasked that on her lips doth linger “Yes.”
This branch will lighten lovers’ woes,
Will call upon his sweetheart, and propose.
Consideration, small if maid is fair;
No charge perhaps, perhaps a lock of hair.
But if an irate dad we have to see,
Of course we’ll have to charge a larger fee,
To cover damages which may result
From contact with a human catapult—
Unless the king on his paternal throne
Is parleyed with by means of telephone.
In fact, do everything that can be done
For every fellow-citizen, excluding none,

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